the stone lady

i feel really odd right now. just strange.. my old room feels so .. half there.. and my new place feels so half-there as well.. i feel like i am neither here nor there yet.. i am sure this will pass once i have all the computer stuff over there, plus the clothes i was missing..
i brought my tennis racquet with me in hopes of playing a bit.. we’ll see if that happens. so far the weekend has not gone how i thought it would. is that bad? so far it’s proven to be good, albeit still a little disappointing. i am a plan whore. i love making plans. plans plans plans. some i figure wont end up working, others i really want to work.. but then they don’t… and yeah. it is energy draining. you get excited, you get psyched.. and then it just isn’t there. it doesn’t happen. that’ll teach me to get excited about something. blah. i dont often get excited. anyways that is out of my system and i am moving on now.
it is time to leave some things and situations behind.

it was such a [censored] battle to get back to the island last night.. i ran to the bus-stop to catch the bus to the seabus.. the bus came late, and drove straight by all 3 of us at the bus stop. “that’s weird” i said to one of the other people. an older man responded “it’s plain maddening is what it is.” yeah, no kidding. another unscheduled bus came by and i made the seabus by 30 seconds before departure. nice little journey over. then i walked briskey to the waterfront skytrain terminal to go to main street — that’s where the bus depot is. i got on the skytrain no problem.. cutting it close in terms of getting to the depot on time.. but not toooooo close. i was on schedule to make the 7 PM ferry. an announcement came on — “due to a police situation at the main street van-city branch, we will not be stopping at main street skytrain station.” great. so the skytrain will go past main street, but not stop there. efff. fine, i’ll take the bus from the stop before that, and run like hell to the bus depot. great. so we travel to burrard stop, pick up some people, the same announcement gets played. then we get to granville, and the same announcement gets played. except the skytrain doesn’t start moving this time. it occurs to everyone (during rush hour) at the same time that they all have to get out and take the bus or walk. mass exodus.
run up 300 stairs.
run onto the street.
which way am i going?
the road was slight tilted downwards, so i ran that way towards what i figured to be hastings. it was. i looked to my left and there was the main street bus. my savior ? no. i got on it, and it trundled slowly into china town and then stopped. i got off it, ran through the pouring rain 8 blocks to the bus depot to see the buses leaving and myself, sweaty from the run, wet from the rain, and tired from the daggers being thrown my way, thwarting my efforts to get back to victoria. it was not meant to be, by 1 minute. vancouver had stopped me. i sat in the bus depot and waited almost 3 hours for the next bus to catch to the ferries. the rush hour one had to leave earlier due to traffic… and the last one didn’t need to leave very early to make it on the 9 pm ferry. we drive out there, there are many pickups on the way, and the bus driver isn’t sure if we’ll make it on. we get there, in time, so we think, but there is still much to do before getting on the ferry. the bus must take on some people from the airport and do a luggage switch and exchange with the walk-off people. we drive on the ferry. i have never seen a spot reserved for a PCL bus, the only one left. we were the last ones on with barely enough room for us, and that was just plain weird. we were so close to not making it.

whatever. that is my moan and groan story. now i can spare you all when i see you in person. i met this cool guy on the bus on the way down though, his name is rob and he had the guts to ask if anyone was sitting beside me (my bag was there.) we talked the whole drive down to the ferry about the film industry he is in and also what i do. nice to meet you, thanx for the conversation.. it made for a more pleasant trip instead of the anxiousness i felt all day and evening. i slept a bit on the boat, and had some bad soup with an equally bad coffee.
i have not eaten well today. i am feeling a little anxious. i felt anxious last night. it must be the coffee. bad coffee, evil coffee. die, coffee.
what next.. what next..
i feel really negative right now. i have a lot to be happy about. i feel to be in a bit of a rut .. perhaps because my creative outlets are a bit cut off right now. that’s probably all it is.
i want to make music. i want to make some really awesome music. i am listening to quivver’s ‘these are the days’ right now. it’s really awesome — not hopelessly fluffy, but uplifting in a very intelligent way. brilliant composition. when i was waiting for the bus last night, i read more of the book that jordan gave me.. “the creative habit” by twyla tharp. it gave me some fabu ideas for composition .. and i want to use them. but i can’t yet.

i picked up hybrid’s new ‘edit’ of their own tune “blackout”, where they put the beat and the piano and the structure of their REM remix (which will not be getting released.. but if you saw them in victoria, you heard it .. and other internet mixes that they have done.. it’s amazing.) it worked out quite well, but in the places where REM -was-, i still expect to hear michael stipe wailing about answers from the great beyond. such an amazing remix. anyhow, it is quite good and definitely worth the dosh — it has kirsty hawkshaw (fine day, opus 3) on vocals.
anyways, i must go. msn is being a fuck, so i wont be online until it stops being such a pain in the ass. i’m going to spyguy’s b-day party and then probably out to hush or where-ever i end up. i really feel like ending up somewhere, like something different. i know, in victoria. in victoria.