maybe it’s because i hung out with such great people all day that i don’t really want to go out right now. but i am restless. i feel trapped on the island. i contemplated driving to duncan just to get out of victoria 10 minutes ago. but there’s nothing in duncan for me.
dekoZe is playing at hush and i don’t have the energy to dance. if i did have the energy to dance, if i wanted to dance, i would be there. that would be the place. dekoZe has never, ever disappointed. but, as craig worded it earlier, i can see it feeling like i am out of place, but not being so inclined enough to leave.
looking at the time and finding yourself in the same place 30 minutes later.
i need the energy of a big city. i feel far away from connections i need to make. in the music world i still feel like a spectator. maybe i should just go to sleep, however, i feel repelled from my bed right now. the nocturnal side of me, the night owl, is changing directions and it’s hard to tell when it is going to stop.
julie told me about this amazing summer solstice event she is preparing for tomorrow. it sounds incredible, the experience, something that i feel i need — but i shut myself down before she even mentioned that one is not able to invite anyone until after they have been attending for at least 4 years. i don’t know why i did that. if it was possible, i would go. that is the kind of thing i need, tonight. something like that. driving around victoria, listening to music, going clubbing.. would be fun somewhere else. here, everything is too familiar. i need unfamiliarity, i need to be overwhelmed, i crave that kind of energy. it isn’t here.
or is it?